If I Knew Then
I hate myself. Loathe may be a better word. I loathe myself, but I'm not talking about my human being, my soul, my character. I'm talking about my appearance. I wish I had looked in the mirror more. I wish I had been more aware of my beauty before it all. I'd love to backtrack my life. I'd love to backtrack my body. You know, the old adage - "If I knew then what I know now..." It sounds very vain, but until you've walked this journey, please don't judge. My hair is never coming back. It's brutally thin. I wash it only once a week and never comb it because the hair just pours out in clumps. The first time, I had chemotherapy for four months and then my hair started to grow back. Now I take a chemotherapy pill everyday and will for the rest of my life, or until there's a cure. My hair is never going to rebound. I paint on my eyebrows. I search for lashes upon which my mascara might adhere. Granted I barely ever have to shave my legs.