Move On

Here’s the thing…


I know I should be grateful.  


I’m alive.  


I say that to myself, 90% of the time.  


I am grateful. 


I’m alive.


The other 10% of the time, I am mad as hell.  


This is my second time around.


So, yeah, I am bitter.


Here’s why...


Cancer - I gave you everything the first time.  


I shaved my head like a boss.  I endured dose-dense chemo.
I worked a full-time job throughout treatment.  I sucked up a double mastectomy.
And then another surgery to remove all the lymph nodes on my left side.
Did I mention the five weeks of radiation?  Or the loss of my first reconstructive breasts,
then prosthetics and then reconstruction AGAIN. 


CANCER, I gave you everything the FIRST time.  


Screw you, cancer, for thinking you can come back and take any of it again.  And yet you try.
You try to take my bones and my liver. And everyday you steal my hair.  And I cry in the shower
as my hair washes away and I am left with maybe 25% of the hair I knew. You steal my eyelashes
and eyebrows.  My fingernails. And I am bitter. But I am only bitter 10% of the time.  

Because I am better than you.  I am stronger than you. Go ahead, fuck with me. 
I gave you everything the first time. But, fuck you cancer, I’m not giving you my life.  Move on.
And Game On.

Comments

  1. I have been reading your posts and I did have a couple questions. You talked about your first diagnosis and I am curious what kind of breast cancer you have and what chemotherapies you've taken. I am 35 yrs old and fighting breast cancer. I was diagnosed Nov 2018 with invasive ductal triple positive stage 2B grade 3 breast cancer. I have completed 6 rounds of TCHP chemo.. a double mastectomy and at the same time had both my ovaries removed. Did 25 rounds of radiation and I am currently taking chemotherapy Kadcyla until the end of Feb 2020.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Feel free to reach out to me privately at abigail_letts@hotmail.com. Would be happy to talk.

      Delete
  2. When I see you in person, I see you at 90%. And, I know that there’s that 10% under the surface. So, when I ask you how you’re doing and you say “fine” - I want you to know that I get it - you as the strongest person that I know❤️

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